My husband and I chose to elope to Hawaii because we had family all over the U.S. This dream was so significant for me because he never got to walk me down the aisle. I knew it wasn’t a ‘real-life’ experience, although the memory is so real for me. I knew this experience was a dream even when I was walking down the aisle with him. I woke up that morning and felt more peace in my life than I ever have before. We exchanged many ‘I love you’s’ as well as smiles before the dream ended. He told me how proud he was of me and that my life would be a beautiful one. Once we made it to the front of the church, he squeezed me hard and gave me a kiss on my cheek. I tried so hard to smell him in, to smell the aroma that surrounded the both of us. I felt so much peace that I had been missing for months. He joked around with me about my kids, using his great sense of humor to make me feel at ease. He told me how his mom was there waiting for him when he crossed over, as she died 3 years prior. As we walked, we talked about Heaven and how he was doing. It was as if this moment was made just for us two. There were no other people in the church with us. I grabbed tightly onto his arm and we walked down the aisle of the church. He gave me a huge hug and said, ‘are you ready for this?’ I smiled and nodded my head while I whispered, ‘you have no idea.’ He looked like the man I was desperate to remember.
He looked exactly like he did when I was 18 in high school, when he was coaching my lacrosse team. But in this moment, he looked nothing like that man I said goodbye to months before. I couldn’t pull any old memories out of my brain where he was healthy and happy. Whenever I thought about him, his very skinny body was the first that came to mind. I couldn’t get that image of him dying out of my thoughts. He was so skinny and sick when he died that up until this moment, it’s how I was remembering him. When he died just 6 months prior from pancreatic cancer, his 50-year-old body looked like an 80-year-old man with bones protruding out of his frail skin.
He was beaming with happiness and pride which I hadn’t seen in him for more than a year. He looked just like I always wanted to remember him looking.
I studied his face, trying to take in every single wrinkle, mole, and dimple I could.
He looked exactly like he did when I was growing up.
#I want to talk to my dead father full#
He was full faced, full bellied, and was grinning from ear to ear. I heard soft footprints around the corner, and then my father appeared. I was wearing a white wedding dress and I held a beautiful bouquet of flowers, mostly blue ones which were my dad’s favorite color. In this dream I was standing at the back of the church my father’s funeral was held in. But I chalked it up to him just getting settled into Heaven and that eventually, maybe, our souls would collide in my dreams and I’d get what I desperately wanted.Īlmost 6 months to the day after his passing, he finally delivered in a major way. Every morning for 6 months I would wake up disappointed that he didn’t make the journey to see me. I knew this was the only way I could ‘see’ him from that day forward and I yearned desperately to see his face, hear his voice, be hugged by his warm embrace, and just be in his presence again. “After my dad died in March of 2016, I would beg him every single night before I fell asleep to come and visit me in my dreams.
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